The Funky Western Civilization

I see that the traveling edition of "So You Think You Can Dance?" was at the Schottenstein Center last night, featuring many of the amateur dancers who are now celebrities on your TV screen. To mark this momentous occasion I offer you one of my favorite dance tracks:

come on everybody
get on your feet
get with the beat
there's a brand new dance craze
sweeping the nation
and it's called the funky western civilization

well there's a riot in the courthouse,
there's a fire in the street
there's a sinner bein' trampled by a thousand pious feet
there's a baby every minute bein' born without a chance
now don't that make you want to jump right up and start to dance?

let's do the funky
the funky western civilization
it's really spunky
it's just like summertime vacation
you just grab your partner by the hair
throw her down and leave her there

they put jesus on a cross,
they put a hole in j.f.k.
they put hitler in the driver's seat
and looked the other way
now they've got poison in the water
and the whole world in a trance
but just because we're hypnotized,
that don't mean we can't dance

we've got the funky
the funky western civilization
it's really spunky
it's just like summertime vacation
you just drag your partner through the dirt
leave him in a world of hurt

you get down, get funky, get western
(own up to it boys and girls)
and if you try real hard maybe you can even get,
you know, kinda civilized

(mesdames et messieurs, bon soir. this is joan of arc. tonio has asked me to personally deliver a rather special message. he say he just cannot get enough of my 15th-century wisdom. he say he loves it when i talk with him like this. and after many a saturday night of doing ze funky western civilization together, i know for a fact he agrees with me when i say [in french]:you can bullshit the baker and get the buns, you can back out of every deal except one)

this is the funky
the funky western civilization
it's oh, so very spunky
it's just like summertime vacation
all's you gotta do is find some little kid somewhere
and throw him way up in the air (never mind the parents)

yes it's a funky
a funky western civilization
and it may seem kinda skunky, you know
but it's hitting every nation (all across the universe)
that's 'cause all's you gotta do is grab your partner by the hair
throw her down and leave her there
-- Tonio K., "The Funky Western Civilization"