Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Baby's First Metallica

The resourcefulness and general oddity of marketeers never ceases to amaze me. Lately I have been the recipient of not one, but two new CDs especially designed to introduce our youngest headbangers to the arcane world of rock ‘n roll. First it was Blues Clues and Veggie Tales. Then it was Mozart and Bach for the baby Einsteins. Now it’s Metallica and The Beatles, presented in nice, colorful, eye-catching packages and cute little storybooks.

What self-respecting parent wouldn’t want to pick up a copy of Rockabye Baby: Lullaby Renditions of Metallica for little Thor or Ozzy? These are recognizable renditions of “Enter Sandman,” “Master of Puppets,” etc., but they are presented as soothing lullabies. Even better, there are instructions for how to transform the packaging into a precious Heavy Metal Mobile to hang over baby’s bed. I am not making this up.

The Beatles CD, which hasn’t yet been released, features moderately-known indie rockers and has-beens such as Marshall Crenshaw and Grandaddy singing famous Lennon/McCartney tunes, accompanied by a children’s choir. The accompanying wooden story book (wouldn’t want baby Ringo to rip the pages) features handy little Life Lessons that mom and dad can read aloud to the little moptops as they listen to the stirring sounds of “Magical Mystery Tour” (here’s a helpful suggestion: it’s coming to take you away, but it’s probably best if the toddlers don’t hear that; read those Life Lessons loudly) and “All You Need is Love.”

I should note that there are also lullaby kiddie renditions of Pink Floyd, Coldplay (as if the originals weren’t good enough), Radiohead, Led Zeppelin, Tool, Nirvana, and The Cure. But I haven’t heard them. I’m tempted to pick up the Nirvana just to hear what “Smells Like Teen Spirit” would sound like as a bedtime nocturne. At any rate, here we are now, entertain us. And the marketeers have done their best.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

theses kids were probably raised on something like that:

http://www.ifilm.com/video/2803777?ns=1

Brother-in-law Bill said...

I'll never forget the first time I heard "Blowin' in the Wind" on an elevator.

e said...

don't get me wrong: i want my daughter to be exposed to as much good music as anyone. but i thought i'd wait on radiohead until she was old enough to know that throwing herself out the window is not an acceptable answer for life's problems--such as getting her blanket taken away, being told to stop sucking her thumb, and the travails of pottytraining.

mg said...

you really hate coldplay, don't you?

Andy Whitman said...

MG, I don't hate Coldplay. I just think they're way overrated. Every musical generation needs its REO Speedwagon and Journey. Coldplay is it for the oughties.

mg said...

oughties?
is that the decade we're in now?

teddy dellesky said...

we have two lullaby Beatles discs. one is part of a compilation of lullabby CD's (Mozart, Rock -n- Roll, etc.) and is not so good. The other, given by my friend at Sony is not so bad. We listenend to it through many a night w/ Parker. It was strange to wake at all hours of the night hearing these songs.

scott said...

Disney first did something similar almost a generation ago, with their "For The Children" CD. Paul McCartney, Bruce, Little Richard with Run DMC, and others sang children's songs. Bob Dylan's straightforward take on "This Old Man" is a classic.