Monday, April 17, 2006

Predictions

You heard it here first ...

  • Anyone else notice the naming pattern for the Chris Martin/Gwyneth Paltrow babies? It seems to follow the Prominent Object in First Book of the Bible --> Prominent Name in Second Book of the Bible pattern. Which is how we've ended up with Apple and Moses. Assuming that Chris and Gwyneth keep it together long enough to make a third baby, we're due next time for the Prominent Object in Third Book of the Bible name. That would be Leviticus, so I'm guessing either "Bull" (if a boy) or "Dove " (if a girl).
  • I predict that the next Coldplay snoozefest will be called Zzzzzzzzzz and will sell 43 million copies.
  • I predict that although Barry Bonds has grown from a slender man to someone impersonating King Kong, he will never be indicted for steroid usage. I also predict that he will eventually break the alltime homerun record, and no one will care, because most baseball fans are smarter than they let on.
  • We're rapidly approaching the third anniversary of the end of the war in Iraq and the presidential declaration of victory. In honor of that historic occasion, I would like to announce that I am through with this parenting business. Although my youngest daughter is only 16, she is now officially on her own. I predict that she will quickly learn how to be self-sufficient, easily earn the $60K per year she will need to attend college and survive while doing so, and marry a nice, rich neurosurgeon.

8 comments:

brian estabrook said...

Mission Accomplished, Andy.. Mission Accomplished.

Anonymous said...

andy

i predict that these posters will get media attention. i think some of them are satirical in a SNL sense and others disturb me

matt

http://www.despair.com/viewall.html

mg said...

what do you have against coldplay?

Andy Whitman said...

Michael asked:

what do you have against coldplay?

Nothing personally, obviously. I just think they're kind of dull and that they're definitely overrated. I know you think differently, and that's fine. I know a lot of peole think differently, which is why they sell millions of albums. But I can think of hundreds of bands who I think are better, and who are more deserving of popular acclaim. That's all.

mg said...

like britney?

Andy Whitman said...

Like Britney?

No.

Do you really want to get in to this? I'm not crazy about Coldplay. I don't hate them, but I don't find much to like, either, and about the best that I can do is to say that they're pleasant, like chamomile tea. And I reserve the right, on my blog, to make snide comments about bloated, inflated, extremely overrated bands. Coldplay are the Journey and REO Speedwagon of Gen X, singing polite, radio-friendly pablum. Hey, somebody has to fill the role, and there were millions of people in the seventies swooning over "Don't Stop Believin'" as their generation's anthem, too.

I also recognize that people will disagree with me, so go ahead. I'm not going to convince you, because you've heard the music, and you're not going to convince me, because I've heard the music.

So chalk it up any way you like, and then let's get on with the business of loving one another, in spite of our occasionally irritating differences in musical taste, because that's more important anyway. God knows that there are perfectly wonderful people who inconceivably like Coldplay, and you're one of 'em.

mg said...

guess there's no accounting for taste.

what i was trying to get at was that at least you must agree that coldplay is more worthy of the attention they receive than britney spears is of the attention she receives, but i guess that wasn't communicated.

Andy Whitman said...

MG: "what i was trying to get at was that at least you must agree that coldplay is more worthy of the attention they receive than britney spears is of the attention she receives"

I do agree with that. But that's still damning with faint praise. :-)