Monday, March 16, 2009

Job Offers!!!

First, on the international front:

Hello,
Your resume was found on the job site. We examined your candidacy and want to offer you a position in our company. If your resume changed, please send us an updated version to email, indicated at the end of the letter.
My name is Julia Glass, I am a employee manager in the company Poland Investments Inc.
Briefly about our company: we deal with selling and purchasing of certificates of metal in Europe. Our central office is located in Poland. The first license for activity in Poland was provided in 1998. Nowadays, we have our offices and employees all over the world. We work with individual clients, as well as with corporations.
We offer ideal conditions of work. Once in a year we grant a 2-week vacation on the resorts of Poland. All our employees are provided with a whole kit to have the possibility of working in every part of the world. Absolutely gratuitous we grant a laptop (brand Dell, HP or Apple) and mobile phone (brand Blackberry or iPhone), we pay for internet access and mobile communication.
We aren't standing still and that is why having the European market conquered we move on to reach the U.S. one. The primary stage - is to form the staff. And namely you are offered a position in dynamically developing company.
At the stage of forming the staff we offer a possibility of flexible schedule or part-time occupancy.
Annual salary is $125,000. We appreciate well-educated employees; that is why if you have MBA, the raise in the salary is granted. Each certificate of degree is individual that is why the markup must be stipulated with head manager, after being accepted for employment.
With the expansion of the influence of our company in the U.S. market, promotion track is naturally granted to you.
We are always glad to answer all your questions and stipulate the conditions of collaboration. You can get in touch with us by phone (from 8 am till 6 pm, Monday-Friday) or through email in any time, convenient for you. We are looking forward to your answer.

Wow, a employee manager wrote to me. And I'm so relieved to read that promotion track is naturally granted to me. Perhaps grammar checker will also be part of job. I am also forward looking to 2-week vacation on resorts of Poland.

And, on the domestic front:

FIND THE PERFECT JOB!

Blog posters are earning $12-$50 per hour.
Article writers are earning up to $25-$45 per hour.
Why not stay at home & get paid for typing on your computer!
Write Fiction and Non Fiction Stories - $450 per story
A Great Job Even if you aren't a "natural born writer"

Where to begin? First, I Really like The Random capitalization. Second, I'm a big fan of the ampersand, & all aspiring natural born writers use it & love it. Third, last time I checked, the phrase "up to" is usually followed by a number indicating the top of a pay scale; as in "earn up to $6,000,000 per year while eating Oreos and swigging chocolate milk." So the phrase "up to $25-$45 per hour" is a little confusing to me. Which is it? Finally, I love job postings that equate writing to "typing on your computer." I bet these folks have MBAs and were once in corporate management.

Hire me! I have mad keyboarding skillz!

3 comments:

Ian said...

Wow, this employee managers are simply two of the goo of the mask batter vocalists ever.

Brother-in-law Bill said...

What better time to get in on the next big bubble, "certificates of metal," than right at the tail end of the bursting of the last several?

Maybe you could write some stories on your laptop while relaxing "on the resorts of Poland."

Then again, maybe you'd like to not have to read junk mail directed to those who might be job hunting.

I hope you can get some real mail about real jobs soon.

Stay strong.

HCJoel said...

So... Which one are you going to take?!?!